Talk

Healthysexuals talk about sexual health and wellbeing.

There are many people you can talk to about sexual health, from your doctor and health professionals, to your friends and family ... and of course, your sexual partners. 

Talking about sexual health can help you make decisions that are right for you and help you to look after yourself and all of us. 

Healthysexuals talk about consent.

Consent, in simple terms, is deciding if you want to do something or not.

When it comes to sex and relationships, consent means to agree to a sexual activity with a partner. 

Consent is a vital part of any sexual activity. It is an important communication between sexual partners.

Consent is the foundation for respectful, safe, mutual sexual experiences. It is against the law to have sex with someone who has not given their consent. 

Age of consent

The age when a person is considered legally able to agree to sex with another person. 

In Western Australia the age of consent is 16, which means sexual partners both need to be 16 years or over (and both agree to it) for sex to be consensual. 

However, it is against the law for someone to have sex with a 16 or 17-year-old if they are in a position of authority over them (e.g. a carer, teacher, coach). 

Consent is freely given

Consent cannot be coerced or forced. This means a person does not give their consent if they feel afraid, are forced, tricked or threatened.

Consent is coherent

A person who is drunk, under the influence of drugs, asleep, unconscious or not mentally capable of understanding what is going on cannot give consent. 

Consent is an ongoing process

Consent is needed every time for every thing.

Consenting to one sexual activity does not mean consenting to all sexual activities and consenting to sex one time does not mean consenting every time. 

Sexual partners need to check in with each other during sex to make sure the experience is consensual, respectful and safe. 

Consent can be withdrawn at any time

It doesn’t matter if you’re naked or midway through sex, if someone changes their mind they are no longer consenting.

Consent is a conversation

Talking about consent with a partner can help make sexual experiences more pleasurable.

There is no one right way to talk about consent.

What’s important is that you ask, and you respect your partner’s decision. Nobody owes another person sex and nobody should be pressured into having sex. 

You might like to use questions like:

  • Do you want to have sex? 
  • How far do you want to go?
  • Do you want to make out?
  • Are you alright?
  • Do you want to keep going?
  • Are you enjoying this?
  • How does that feel?
  • Would you like to…?
  • Can we try something new?
  • It is ok if I touch you here?

 

Consent can look and sound different for everyone...but it must be enthusiastic and certain!

Saying ‘YES!’ is one clear way of communicating consent, but people can give or take away consent in other ways too. 

Saying things like ‘I want to’, ‘Don’t stop’, ‘This feels good’, ‘I’m sure’ are all examples of how people might indicate consent verbally. 

Enthusiastic consent might also mean an excited tone of voice, positive body language and initiating the next step. 

The absence of a no does not mean a 'yes'

Uncertainty, hesitation, umming and ahhing are not signs of enthusiastic consent. 

Saying ‘Stop’, I’m not sure’, ‘Can we slow down?’ or changing the subject are all examples of how people might indicate they are not consenting. 

Someone who is not consenting might give non-verbal signs instead of saying ‘no’. Non-verbal signs like not responding to touch, silence, turning away, pushing a partner away or crying are all signs that a person is not enthusiastically consenting. 

It’s important to be aware of verbal or non-verbal signs from sexual partners. 

The best way to be sure that sexual partners are consenting is to ask them what they want to do and see if they want to keep going. 

For more information about the law around consent

See the Legal Aid WA website (external site). 

HealthySexuals talk to their sexual partners about safer sex before it starts.

Just like consent, talking about physical health, contraception and STIs is an important part of respectful, safe, pleasurable sexual experiences. 

This involves asking and sharing information to make sure you are looking after yourself and each other.

It’s not always easy to start the conversation about sexual health, but it’s an important part of keeping yourself and your partners safe and well. 

Plan ahead

It can help to think about what you are going to say beforehand so you feel prepared and more confident.

Pick and appropriate time and place 

Have a chat in a private, quiet space where you won’t be interrupted. Try to have a conversation before you’re about to have sex – it can be easier with clothes on. 

Remember it’s a conversation

It’s a two-way exchange of information that’s important for you both, it is not an investigation. Focus on how you and your partner are going to have safer and pleasurable sexual experiences rather than asking about the number of previous partners or pressuring them to share information they don't want to. 

Be a good listener

Listen to your partner and respect their views. This is a great way to learn more about your partner. 

Respect privacy

Reassure your partner that you will respect their privacy and won’t share their personal information. 

Comfort levels

To help your partner feel comfortable, it is important to be kind and honest when talking about sexual health. 

A little bit of awkwardness at first is much better than unwanted health concerns later.

Being a HealthySexual means getting support when we need it.

Talking to health professionals about sexual health can feel daunting but talking about our sexual health is part of our general health and wellbeing and who we are.

Whether it’s getting an STI test or receiving treatment, having regular screening, contraception, or getting support when experiencing sexual problems, we need to be able to talk to doctors and health professionals to get the support we need.

Find a health professional you feel comfortable with

It’s ok if that is not your regular doctor or if it is specialist clinic.

Plan

Think about what you want to talk about before an appointment. It may help to write down dot points as a reminder. 

Be clear

Make it known that you are looking for a solution and support. 

Express concerns

Be sure to let them know if you are feeling uncomfortable, concerned or worried. 

Ask questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, especially if something isn’t clear. 

Take a support person

You can take someone along for support if you want to – this may be a partner, a friend or a family member.

Get a second opinion

If you don’t get the support or answers you are looking for it is a good idea to get a second opinion. 

Remember that this is part of a health professionals’ job. They talk to other people about sexual health issues and many people probably have questions and concerns just like you. 

Find a clinic

Some people find sexual health clinics are the best place for their sexual health support needs.

You can use our find a clinic feature to find your closest sexual health clinic. 

Sexual Health Helpline

If you would like to anonymously and confidentially talk to somebody about this and you are in WA, call the Sexual Health Helpline:

1800 198 205 (Country callers)

9227 6178 (Perth Metropolitan callers)

Last Updated: 19/01/2024